


Used to be mine

by JustAnotherSamlicker



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Whump, Choose Your Own Ending, Dean Whump, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Human Castiel, Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, NSFW, Protective Sam Winchester, Rimming, Sastiel - Freeform, Unrequited Love, coitus interruptus by Johnus, protective older brother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 21:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3911302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustAnotherSamlicker/pseuds/JustAnotherSamlicker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You should have been Dean.” Cas said, obviously hurt.<br/>“I'm sorry?” Sam asked confused, though he put it together before Castiel answered. He wasn't blind. Of course he had noticed that the angel had been in love with his brother, but he also knew Dean wouldn't want a boyfriend, no matter how he felt about the guy. </p><p>There might be one more ending added later, but you already have two possibilities!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gonna be mine

Castiel was outside of the bunker, nervous as he fiddled with the packaging of the bouquet of roses he had bought. What if Dean didn't want this.. And even more frightening, what if he did. Would they actually become a couple? What about the hunting? A million questions crossed Castiels mind. Still he decided to do it. To just go up to Dean, give him the flowers and tell him how he felt, he had seen it work with so many humans in love. He opened the door to see Dean, munching on a sandwich.  
“Hey Dean.. I.. I have to ask you something.” He said nervously, walking over with the flowers behind his back.  
“Sure Cas, what is it?” The larger man asked with a grin.  
“I think I may have feelings for you so I got you roses, as is custom.” He said, holding out the red roses with small white flowers between them.  
“Uh Cas.. You do realize what you're saying?” Dean asked unsure, obviously shocked.  
“Of course!” He said and leaned forward to kiss Dean. Dean turned his head quickly, so Cas would hit his cheek instead of his mouth. He started talking nervously. “Look.. You and me.. You see.. I mean I'm not.. Not that it's wrong.. But you know.. I'm not gay.. Sorry.. I need to go.” He said as he quickly left the bunker, leaving his unfinished sandwich on the table.  
Cas was sure he was made of stone. He couldn't get himself to move, or respond. Clutching the flowers like they were his last piece of hope. Of course they weren't. All hope was lost.  
Dean didn't want him. He wondered how he could have been so stupid. Of course Dean didn't want him. He was nothing more then a fallen angel. He still didn't understand all his new found feelings and emotions. How could he expect Dean to like him back.  
He started sobbing once he realized fully what had just happened. This wasn't his plan. His plan was clear. He would tell Dean how he really felt a Dean would smile. He'd hand him the flowers and Dean would kiss him, as the flowers fell to the ground, left there as the would embrace tightly, just like the movies.  
Except that didn't happen. He was left alone. Ten minutes later Castiel was still standing in the middle of the room, lost, lonely and crying. He heard footsteps and looked up. Maybe Dean came back, realizing Castiel actually was the one for him. Maybe he'd hold him, whispering sorry's as he rubbed his back and kissed him. Or maybe Sam had returned from his run. It was the last one.

Sam looked at the broken man in front of him. The once proud angel stood before him, clutching roses and crying his eyes out.  
He walked over quickly, wanting to ask what happened, but Castiel already started talking.  
“You should have been Dean.” He said, obviously hurt.  
“I'm sorry?” Sam asked confused, though he put it together before Castiel answered. He wasn't blind. Of course he had noticed that the angel had been in love with his brother, but he also knew Dean wouldn't want a boyfriend, no matter how he felt about the guy.  
“He should have come back..” Castiel said, crying loudly by now.  
Sam had no idea how to comfort the broken angel and just wrapped his arms around him. “Oh Cas.. I'm so sorry..” He sighed, squeezing a little tighter as a loud sob left him.  
Castiel just allowed the hug, not hugging back but not pushing him away either. “I hate these emotions..” He bawled.  
“I know Cas.. I know.” He rubbed the smaller mans back. “Calm down.. I'm here.” He had always had a weakness for the angel and seeing him hurt like this just broke his heart. He pulled back a little and rubbed his thumb over the angels cheek, whipping away the tears. “Dean's.. Uh.. Our dad used to have his own way of thinking. He walked in on Dean once, when he was with a guy and.. Let's just say he wasn't too happy.” Sam said, thinking back about the weeks of verbal abuse following that day. Of course John had calmed down after the hunt, three weeks later. Killing demons always got him off the edge.

Dean was sitting in some shady bar, hoping to drown his sorrow with as much beer as possible. An angel of the lord, gay. He grinned humourless at the irony of that. Cas could start a religious war admitting that.  
He remembered when he was still.  
He took a gulp of beer and tried to drown out his thoughts, not wanting to think of David. Of how they connected, of how David's lips felt on his, of how he was Dean's first real love.

Dad was out on a hunt with a group of hunters. One of the hunters, Angie, had a son, two years older than Dean. Dean was eighteen at that time, David twenty. When Dean first saw him, a feeling awoke inside him. It was like something had just clicked. He didn't understand, didn't want to understand.  
The boys – Sam, Dean and David- were to stay put in a motel. Sam and Dean in one room, David in the other. Normally they just went along on hunts, but this hunt would be to big, to much chance of the boys messing it up.  
The hunters stayed away for over a month and David and Dean started growing closer. Sam knew there was more going on by the way Dean always made excuses to see David, or how he pretended to be out all night, while coming out of David's room the next morning.  
Sam had never seen Dean this happy and decided he more then deserved to feel that way. To allow his brother some more time with David, he told David he wanted to switch rooms to get some privacy for once, because he was sick of always having to share his room with Dean. David knew exactly what Sam was doing, but went along with Sam's side of the story, saying he'd switch rooms, but Sam would owe him.

Dean knew it for sure, he was in love. Now that they were sharing a room, he and David could do as they wanted and they grew closer every day. They even talked about renting an apartment together in a few months. Just a place to call home. An actual home for the two of them. 

After a week or so of sharing a bedroom and after weeks of kissing and fooling around, Dean had decided he wanted more. David was kissing him softly in his neck, running a finger over Dean's spine as he did. Dean moaned softly, David knew just how to make him feel good. “Dave.. I want you inside me..” He muttered between moans. David moaned at that. Dean lay down on the bed and looked at David pleading. David bit his lip.  
David smiled, he stroked Dean's thigh as Dean opened his legs more. “Don't worry babe, I'll take care of you.” He promised as he moved his head between Dean's legs, still caressing his thighs. He licked Dean's hole softly to relax it. “If I go to fast, tell me. I don't want to hurt you.”  
Dean whimpered as he pushed the tip of his tongue in. It felt so foreign, but so good. David pushed in more moving his tongue around inside him. He added a finger next to the tongue, playing with Dean's prostate to get more of these beautiful moans. Dean's eyes fluttered close. He felt like he was in heaven. He was moaning loudly, repeating mutters of “Dave” and “Good” and “More”.  
That's when the door flew open by a hard kick against it. His father walked in enraged. He didn't say a thing, he just pulled David away from Dean by his hair and let him hit the ground as Sam came running to the room before pulling his father out of it and closing the door. He could hear muffled screams coming from the hall, then a hit, then two pair of feet, walking away. He looked at David, unsure what to do as his boyfriend lay on the floor, a bloody nose from how it hit the ground and tears in his face.  
“Dave..” He said softly, moving over to him. He stroked his cheek. “Are you okay. Did he hurt you?”  
David shook his head. “I'm fine.. Are you?” He asked, looking up at Dean worried. He kissed his cheek.  
Sam knocked on the door and opened it a little, not looking inside. “We have five minutes Dean, then we leave.” He closed it again.  
David looked up at him. “Don't go Dean.. Stay here, with me. I'm sure my mother won't mind.  
An extra hunter will always be welcome, or we can look for a home.. You want to live in California, right? Let me take you there.”  
Dean shook his head. “I'm sorry, I have to go..”  
“Will you call me?” He asked after getting up.  
“I'm sorry.” Dean started getting dressed. His suitcase was always partly packed so he only needed to put in a few of the clothes lying around.  
David understood, this was difficult for Dean. But what about him. He looked at Dean, now looking completely broken. “Are you just going to leave me.. Was that all I was to you, just some fun on the road?” He asked.  
Dean reached out for his hand. “You know you weren't.. Aren't.. But this is my family. I'm sorry.”  
One quick kiss on his lips and he left for good.  
The weeks after that had been hell. John barely talked to him, and when he did, he just repeated how sad he was, that his oldest son turned out to be such a disappointment. Sam had a bruise on his cheek to show for the night. To show he defended his brother. 

As Dean sat on that stool now he realized deep inside, he'd always be daddies little soldier. It took him years to get over David, to forgive himself for leaving. To force himself to not be attracted to men. To learn how to go through life, ignoring his feelings and pretty much every basic instinct he had. He didn't want to think about how long it would take him to do it all again, since he couldn't really deny his feelings for Cas.


	2. not really mine

When Cas woke up the next morning he left his room, still sleepy and stressed. He barely slept after that disastrous day. The short moments of sleep where filled with the same confusing dream. He dreamt of him and Dean, sitting on a bench in the rain, Dean's arm around him, holding him softly as he just whispered a soothing “Shhh.”   
He had woken up in tears, but he had to get up, he promised Sam they'd go to a park. When he walked out of his room, Dean just walked by to go to his room next to Cas's.   
Cas halted his step, he had no idea what to say, so he just stood there quietly. Dean looked nervous as he tried to pretend everything was okay. He nodded at Cas awkwardly before walking past him, into his room and shut the door.  
Cas sighed, trying to fight the overwhelming sadness he knew so well since last night. He walked into the kitchen and found Sam, smiling over his breakfast, trying not to look like he pitied the angel. Castiel looked at the backpack on the table, assuming it would be full of hunting gear. “So.. Were going on a hunt? No amusement park?” He couldn't help feeling slightly disappointed, even if he wasn't sure about how much fun the amusement park would be, it would be nice to have some happy feelings, instead of these sad ones.   
Sam looked confused, then smiled understanding. “No.. The backpack is to take to the park, just some food and drinks.”   
“Oh..” He said with a small grateful smile. “Thank you.”   
Sam nodded. “No problem, just get some breakfast and we'll go.”   
Cas shrugged. “I don't really feel like eating..” He admitted.  
“You sure?” When he received a nod he shrugged, deciding not to push it. “Then let's go.”   
They got in Cas's car. It was becoming quite useful Cas had a car of his own, since he had his own quests and he couldn't take the impala every time. Sam was the one that drove, since he found a route on google maps. “You want to talk or anything?”   
“What is there to talk about, Sam?” Cas asked, squinting slightly. “I miss judged the whole thing. I thought Dean might want to.. Be with me.”   
Sam could tell Cas was trying hard to keep his composure.   
Cas swallowed loudly and continued. “Remember when he was drunk.. A few weeks back.”   
Sam nodded, knowing what time Cas meant immediately. Dean had drunken to much, to quick and ended up wasted in the bunker, urging Cas to lie down next to him on the kitchen floor. Cas had agreed with a confused look and Dean had put his arm around him. Sam left the room, not wanting to intrude on their moment.   
“He told me he wanted that forever.. Lying next to me, feeling happy..” Cas said, no longer able to keep the emotion out of his voice. “I thought it meant he..” He stopped talking, unable to finish the sentence.   
Sam sighed. “I think it did, it did mean he liked you, still likes you..”   
“He's not gay..” Castiel sighed, not understanding how that could be completely true, he had never looked at males or females differently, but he guessed some people did.  
Sam rolled his eyes. “Is that what he said..?” Cas nodded. “Listen Cas, Dean doesn't want to be, but uh.. He is. Well he likes guys.. And girls.. Anyway.. Uh... Dean doesn't allow himself to be gay, that's because dad made sure he knew dad wouldn't accept it.”  
“So.. What am I supposed to do with that..” These feelings were an even bigger hassle then he had expected. “He does like me, maybe, but won't admit it because.. Because my vessel is male?”  
Sam had hoped he could say something to help Cas, but he couldn't. Dean would need time to come to terms with himself, but if he told Cas to wait for that, the angel might wait for ever.   
“Maybe try getting over him? I know it sucks, but you deserve that inner peace..”   
Castiel just scoffed. Sam put a hand on his shoulder and shot him a reassuring look before focussing back on the road. “We'll just focus on having some fun today, okay?”   
“Okay..”   
The rest of the car ride was silent, and Castiel was glad it was. When they got to the amusement park, Cas just couldn't stop staring. It was all so big, so bright. Everyone seemed so happy.   
Sam parked the car and got out. As soon as Cas was out, they went to the register and Sam handed them the tickets.   
He walked in with Cas and showed him to the map. “What do you want to do first?” He asked, looking at their options. Cas shrugged. “I don't know.. What's fun?”  
Sam pointed at the roller-coaster. “Want to go there?” He asked. He quickly took one of the small maps that were offered.  
“Sure.” He said and followed curiously, looking at the people holding hands, the children smiling. People really did seem happy here.  
They had to wait in line for fifteen minutes and suddenly the happy faces were long gone. There was a smile every now and again, people sharing cotton candy, or a stupid inside joke, but most of the people just looked annoyed, relieved only when the line moved, even a little. 

Cas sighed and Sam looked at him worried again. He put a hand on his shoulder and shot him a hopeful smile. Cas smiled back and Sam let his hand linger a few seconds more.  
When they finally got to the ride they sat next to each other. Sam smiled at Cas who smiled back excited. He felt a kind of rush go through him as the cart started moving.   
First they were lifted to the highest point of the roller-coaster. They stopped for a second before going down, down, down. Then came the first loop. Castiel grabbed Sam's hand in the rush as he yelled. When the ride ended he was smiling widely. He let go of Sam's hand but smiled at him, earning a smile back.   
They got out as soon as the restraints were loosened and walked to the photo booth. Both men were smiling in the picture, they were holding hands and you could see the excitement in their eyes.   
Even if Sam had lived his whole life on this earth, he was almost as new to amusement parks as Cas was. Bobby took them once, and Dean snug them in once, but they got kicked out two hours later.   
Sam decided to buy the picture, it was nice. He bought Cas one as well. And put them in his backpack. “I'm going to buy you cotton candy!” He told him happily. To get the real experience, you need cotton candy.”  
Cas nodded with a smile. Sam took out the map to see where they could get some cotton candy. “Here, come.” He lead Cas to a little cotton candy and popcorn stand.   
He bought the large sized cotton candy and sat on the bench, patting for Cas to sit down next to him. Cas smiled, looking at the big pink ball of fluff on a stick, wondering how to eat it. Sam ripped of a little piece to eat, Cas did the same. It tasted perfectly, it just melted away in his mouth. They kept eating more until there was barely any left.   
“You take it.” He told Sam when there was one more bite left.  
“No come on Cas, it's yours.”  
“Really Sam.” He had seen Sam enjoy it almost more than he did, and Sam didn't really allow himself that much sugar on a regular base.   
Sam took he last bit, only to put it in Casiel's mouth with a smirk.  
“That's cheating.” He grinned, but ate it anyway.   
He had never felt more human then this, well not in a good way at least.  
Cas took out the map, wanting to see what else there was to do. He asked to go to the Ferris wheel and Sam followed him happily.   
It was nice, the slow, steadiness going up until they were at the highest point, going down again as the world slowly closed in on them again. They went up again, this time it stopped at the highest point. Castiel looked around, seeing the world from above. It reminded him of a time gone by.   
“Thank you, Sam.” He said suddenly. “For everything.”  
Sam nodded with a smile. “It's okay, Cas. It sucks when someone you like doesn't want you, for what ever reason.. I'm glad I could help.”   
“Do you like someone?” Castiel asked, having completely missed that.  
Sam bit his lip. “Wouldn't work anyway, hunters life and all.” He said quickly.   
“Oh, that's to bad..” Cas said sadly, then took Sam's hand. “Today we're together. ” He promised him with a smile that made Sam doubt how much he was kidding. He squeezed his hand softly though, and Cas didn't let go. The wheel started moving again and soon they were getting out, still holding hands. Sam couldn't say he minded, he might have thought about the angel like that one or twice or maybe a bit more than that, but it never really mattered, he knew Cas liked Dean, but for one day, they could pretend.   
They walked over to the next ride as Sam looked at him with a blush and a grin. “So I'm your fake boyfriend of the day?”   
Cas smiled. “Are you?” He asked, squinting his eyes with a smile.  
“Sure Cas.” He kissed the back of Cas's hand with a smile.  
They spend the rest of the day as each others dates. They fed each other french fries, held hands and even went trough the tunnel of love, where Sam had kissed Cas's cheek, and Cas smiled at him, put his arm around him and rested his head on Sam's shoulder.   
Sam bought that picture as well, buying one for Cas again.   
This was perfect for the both of them, Castiel could get his mind completely of Dean, and maybe be happy for a day, while Sam could finally find out what it would be like to date the angel, even for a day.   
At the end of the day, they were both smiling widely, no longer worried or sad. Sam kissed his lips softly before they got into the car, and Cas kissed him back. It didn't feel weird or forced at all. Sam pulled away from him and smiled as he got into the car, so did Cas. They didn't talk, they just looked out of the window to the road ahead. When they got out of the car, back at the bunker, Sam took Cas's hand again and kissed it. “Guess this thing ends now?” He asked.   
“Tomorrow?” He asked in a slightly begging voice, biting his lip as he looked up at Sam.   
Sam kissed him softly. “Tomorrow.” He kissed him again, looking deep into Castiel's eyes when he pulled back, only to kiss him again, deeper now. Cas put his arms around Sam, pulling him closer as he felt Sam's tongue move over his lips. He open them slightly as the tongue moved over his own. He hadn't expected that to feel so well, but had no time to think about it. He realized he was moving his hand through Sam's hair. He moved almost automatically.   
Then suddenly Sam pecked his lips softly, moved back, and smiled at him.   
Cas smiled. He must have been a terrible kisser, but Sam didn't seem to mind. He took his hand again before they walked inside.


	3. Will you be mine?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for updating this two days to late. I got locked out of the appartment while my laptop was still inside and with the hollidays, I couldn't get in until now. To make up for it, I'm going to post an extra chapter Tuesday next week.

They hadn't prepared on meeting Dean right when they walked in. Castiel squeezed Sam's hand, not wanting to lose it now. Dean coughed awkwardly as he saw them holding hands. He looked at Sam angrily, but just walked past them. “I'm hitting the bar.” He warned them.   
Sam let go of Cas's hand. “Again Dean..? Didn't you go drinking yesterday?” Why would he want Dean here now, he wondered, he finally he had Castiel for himself. He knew why, cause that's what he thought Cas would want. Dean how ever didn't feel like cuddling up to the new seemed to be couple.   
“Really Sammy, you gonna want me to stay here?” He said pointedly looking at the two of them before leaving.   
Sam sighed as he looked at the door slammed closed. He looked at Castiel who looked apologetic. Sam took his hand again, he hated how all the happiness he had just seen drained from the now sad looking eyes.   
“Come on Cas, let's watch a movie?” He tried, wanting to cheer the angel up.  
Cas shrugged. “Sure.”   
He hadn't meant for Dean to see them like that, they must have looked in love or something. Even if Dean didn't want him, Cas was sure he saw hurt in his eyes, like he wanted to say 'if it was supposed to be anyone, it was supposed to be us.'  
But Dean ruined that. Yesterday when he told him he didn't want him, this morning when he acted like he didn't see Cas and now, when he all but ignored him, and didn't do a thing to stop him from holding hands with Sam.  
Castiel looked at Sam. “What do you want to watch?” More distraction, less thinking.   
“Something Disney? I still want to catch up with those.” He said. “Apparently they're a huge part of growing up I've missed.”  
“Have you already seen a Disney movie?”   
“I've watched Hercules with Dean..” He said trying to keep up appearances when saying his name. “And the lion king..”  
Sam nodded. “How about.. Frozen? It's the newest princess movie, I think..” Sam wasn't that up to date, but he thought he might have read something about it.  
“Sounds good.” He went to the couch followed by Sam who quickly got his laptop from the kitchen table. He downloaded frozen and sat the laptop down on the table in front of the couch. He sat down next to Cas and put his arm around him. “How are you feeling, Cas?” He asked, pulling him a little closer.   
Castiel just shrugged as he watched the screen. He had no idea how he was feeling, it was all so confusing. He didn't love Sam, not like Dean, but cared for him a great deal, but was it friendship, or love? And how did he even feel about Dean seeing him with Sam, good, bad, guilty, revengeful? Why were these feelings so confusing?   
He hugged closer to Sam, wanting him to make it all clear. Sam rubbed his arm soothingly and kissed the top of his head while Cas slowly fell asleep. The day had been fun but exhausting, and he had barely slept the night before.

Dean drove to the bar angrily. How dare Sam, and more than that, how dare Cas. What, so if Dean didn't want Cas, he'd just go get his back up plan? Sammy wasn't a back up plan damnit. He kept telling himself this was why he was angry, because Cas was using Sam, not because Cas found someone else, he was free to do whatever, and whomever he wanted. It wasn't like Cas was his freaking boyfriend, right..?   
He stopped the car in front of a shady looking bar. When he got out, he immediately noticed the cute girl by the entrance looking at him. He told himself to forget about Cas for a moment and focus on her. He walked over smoothly. “Hello there, I'm a bit new in town, this bar any good?” He asked her with a flirty grin.   
She nodded as she looked him over, definitely interested. “Sure is, I could show you around some time, big man.” She grinned and put out her hand.   
“Dean.” He introduced himself as. “How bout you, those pretty eyes must go with a pretty name?”  
“Cassidy.” She shook his hand, then looked up confused. “Something wrong?”  
“Nothing.. Just irony biting me up the ass.” He muttered.  
“Huh?” She asked confused but he smiled dismissively. “Let's go inside.” She offered quickly. 

 

Dean came home late at night to find Cas and Sam asleep on the couch, holding each other in their arms. This shouldn't be this painful to watch. It wasn't like the felt something for Cas, he kept telling himself. He left the living room quickly and slammed the door, waking the lovely couple up.  
Sam looked at Cas disorientated for a second, before realizing, it hadn't been a dream, Castiel was really there with him.  
But as soon as Cas was fully awake he stood up. “Uh.. Thank you Sam.. For every thing..” He looked down at the confused Sam once more. “I should sleep.” He said, practically running to his room. He met Dean in the hall.   
“Shouldn't you be with Sam?” He asked in an accusing voice.   
“Are you mad at me?” He asked confused, and a little bit mad himself.  
“You know, I could have brought someone home too, but I didn't, because I felt sorry for you!” He said, getting angrier with each word he spoke.   
“Because you refused me.. I never refused you Dean..”  
“No, but you apparently liked me enough to go after Sam the second I said I didn't want you.”  
“I'm not in a relationship with Sam..”   
“You sure? Cause it sure looks like you are.”  
“Even if we were, why would that upset you?”   
“Because.. Because.” He went from angry to lost in a single second. “Damnit Cas. Just.. Just don't you dare to hurt him.” He walked to his room and closed the door.

Castiel went to his room and undressed slowly, taking his time to fold every piece of clothing and put it on the chair carefully. As long as he was busy, wouldn't have to think about anything. Eventually he had to, as he lay in his bed, eyes open. He actually wanted to go to Sam's room, crawling in bed with him, being comforted. Maybe Dean was right, they did seem like a couple, more so, they were a couple today, a fake couple, but still.   
Castiel had to be honest, it had made him happy, and kissing Sam had felt good, really good. He had no idea how to even start processing that. He knew he didn't love Sam the way he loved Dean, it didn't even come close, but Sam made him feel good, and he didn't seem to mind. But if he went to Sam's room now, he was sure the thing they were having, or pretending to have, would be even harder to stop.  
He heard Dean leaving his room, then heard voices in the hall, Dean's voice and a female voice he didn't know.   
“I'm glad you called.”   
“Sorry I didn't invite you back here in the bar..” A door was shut and not long after he could hear the creaking of Dean's bed. He was sure he heard him say his name when he heard a louder scream. He listened again, there it was “Cassie.”. He was so confused, because the girl just yelled out “Oh Dean.” Like he didn't just moan someone else’s name. He couldn't hear it any more. He didn't bother getting dressed again. He left the room in his boxers and went over to Sam's room.   
Sam looked up at Cas as he opened the door. He didn't say a thing, just scooted over so Cas could lie down next to him. He could see the former angel was hurt, it was probably something Dean had done or said.   
Cas lay down next to him and hugged him. They didn't say a word, just lay there holding each other as they both drifted into a cozy sleep.


	4. Finally mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry, I only now realized I completely forgot a chapter so.. That's a bit terrible..

Sam wasn't sure what to think of their arrangement. He actually liked Cas, but never decided to act on it, because he knew the angel was in love with Dean the second they met. Now however, the angel seemed to like Sam a lot more than he liked Dean. Dean never had this. Holding a half-naked Castiel as he slept, holding hands with him, kissing him. Only Sam was lucky enough for that. He told himself it had to mean something as he pulled Cas a bit more on his chest.   
Castiel rubbed his head to Sam's chest to get comfortable again. Sam sighed, he really was beautiful. He kissed the top of his head and tried to go back to sleep. He had Cas, Dean didn't, and that's all that mattered. 

When they woke up, Cas got dressed in one of Sam's older shirts, and a pair of jogging pants. He could've just as easily gone to his own room and gotten his own clothes, but something in the back of his mind told him he wanted Dean to see him like this, like he wanted him jealous.   
He shouldn't be using Sam, he knew hat, but he couldn't help it, it was like his mind had a completely different agenda. Like he wanted to make Dean hurt. Or more like he wanted to see if it would actually hurt Dean. That would mean he meant something to Dean after all.   
He took Sam's hand and went to the kitchen. “Do you want eggs for breakfast?” He asked him, there wasn't much he could cook, but he made more than descend scrambled eggs.  
“Sure Cas, thanks.” Sam smiled. It felt so domestic what they had, nice and intimate, besides, Cas looked extremely cute in Sam's clothes. He kissed his cheek while Cas started at the eggs. It was silly, but this was what he had dreamed of more than anything. Sleeping with Castiel in his arms, making breakfast together, and then getting ready for work. Preferably anything but hunting, but this was close enough for now.   
He hugged Cas from behind, kissing his cheek again. He had to make the most of it before Dean would come into the room and Cas would only have eyes for him again. Sam couldn't wait until the angel would get over him. He could love Sam, Sam was sure of it. They could have this every single day. Dean would move on and find some girl, and have a perfectly happy family, and they could have this.  
He was lost in that thought when he heard someone clearing their throat. Dean stood in the doorway, looking shocked as Cas was playing the happy housewife with his brother. He got himself out of it as he walked into the kitchen, followed by a scarcely dressed brunette. She didn't seem ashamed as she walked in in her lingerie and Dean's open hanging plaid.  
“Morning.” Sam said quickly, taking a step back, away from Cas.  
“Oh by all means continue..” He said in an annoyed voice. “Oh, uh, this is Cassie..” He said, remembering she was there as well. She shook their hands. “Hi, I'm Cassady.”   
“Hi I'm Sam, Dean's brother, and this is Cas.”  
Cas, who was almost letting the eggs burn, nodded and shook her hand.   
“Keep an eye on your eggs.” She warned and he quickly put them on the plates.   
There was an awkward silence as everyone was figuring out what to do. To stay in the kitchen and eat breakfast, like nothing happened, or to make up some dumb excuse as to why they couldn't stay. Suddenly Sam broke the silence. “Come on Cas, we'll have breakfast in bed.” It was a stupid excuse, but at least they got to leave.   
“Don't leave on our account.” Dean told them, trying to act okay with it all.  
“Oh come on Dean.” Cassady smiled. “Let your brother and his boyfriend have some alone time.”   
An other awkward silence. Nobody bothered to correct her.  
Sam grabbed Cas's hand and lead him to his bedroom. As soon as the door closed he held him as Cas didn't say a thing. He just stood there, expressionless.  
After a few minutes of silence Sam lead Cas to the bed where guided him down. He crept in next to him, kissing him softly while stroking his sides.  
Castiel let it happen, he was defeated. At least the touches didn't make him feel alone. He just couldn't get into it. Suddenly Sam stopped to look him in the eyes. “Cas.. Are you okay?”   
Castiel looked him in the eyes, and something about Sam, the way he looked at him.. It reminded him of Dean. The way Dean looked at him. “Just kiss me.” He responded, leaning into him and closing his eyes. He kissed Sam hard and needy, pulling him on top of him.   
Sam moaned as he moved against Cas. The way Cas looked at him before he closed his eyes was different. He looked in love, Sam was sure of it. He kissed Castiel again as he slowly pulled his shirt off. He was going to do this right, and he was going to make it so amazing.  
Castiel helped Sam with taking of his shirt and took Sam's hand, putting it on his heart, which was beating twice as fast. The back of his mind was filled with Dean. All he could see was Dean, Dean kissing him, touching him, and he loved it. It was all he could have wanted, so he kissed Sam again, more passionate then before.  
He pulled him close, feeling their body heat being shared. Sam started trailing kisses down to his neck, sucking a hicky onto him that made Cas's toes curl in pleasure. He moaned softly as Cas bit on the sucking spot for extra measure. Sam moved down more sucking at his nipples as he pulled down Cas's trousers, then his boxers. Cas moaned as his hard on was freed. He licked his lips as he looked at Sam,seeing Dean in his mind. He groaned loudly as he pulled down Sam's pants and boxers in on go.   
Sam moaned, it was an amazing feeling, seeing Castiel all hot and bothered, and knowing he was the one to cause it. He bit his own lip as he looked over Castiel's naked body, moving his hands over it to feel every part. “Fuck Cas.. You're amazing..” He moaned.  
Cas just groaned in response. He grabbed Sam's ass and roughly pulled Sam's hips closer it almost painfully, but Sam didn't mind the pain,it felt amazing. He moved his own hands to Cas's ass. Cas thrusted back against Sam's hands that were slowly spreading his cheeks, slipping his fingers inbetween them.  
Cas gasped softly. He relaxed under the touch before the fingers disappeared. He looked at Sam who was smiling and reaching into the nightstand. “If I go to far, tell me.” He told him like a silent promise. He spread some lube on his fingers and continued stroking Cas's cheeks, relaxing him before he moved over his enterance. He kissed Castiel again, passionate and slow, trying to distract him from the pain as he slowly moved one finger into him. Cas groaned and kissed him back needely as the finger slipped completely inside.   
“Ah Cas, you're so tight!” He whispered. Cas kissed him again to stop him from talking.  
Sam kissed him back pasionate. Between kisses Cas moaned softly “More”  
Sam slid in a second finger, carefully scissoring Cas open as he used his other hand to stroke him to complete hardness. Cas was still kissing him with closed eyes. Sam had never seen any one so beautiful, as he was moaning under him, completely giving Sam his all. He stopped stroking him to explore him more, rubbing his nipple softly. This was so intimet, knowing he was the only man ever who got to hear those beautiful noises as he groaned softly in react to the touches.   
Cas put his hand on Sam's sides, not sure what to do with them. Sam left out a soft moan, which must have meant he was doing something right. He slowly moved his hands, stroking Sam's sides softly. Sam felt so muscled, Cas couldn't help but love it, even if it didn't feel right. When he opened his eyes, he was supposed to see a cheeky grin and hear a sarcastic comment about how hot he looked. Instead he knew he'd get a sweet smile, the long hair he already felt tickling at his shoulders and he'd only hear good things. But as long as he closed his eyes, that wasn't reality yet.   
It did feel good, it did. Every time Sam hit that spot inside him, or kissed him, or stroked him, or even just touched him. It wasn't like he wanted to stop, he just wished it would have been Dean that was making him feel these things. He thrusted back against the fingers, ready for something bigger. “More.. Please...” He moaned. Sam was more then happy to comply as he pulled his fingers out and lubed himself up. He didn't even bother with a condom, it was the angels first time and he got tested regularly. He lined up and peppered Cas with sweet little kisses, stroking him as he did so he would feel turned on even more as Sam pushed in. Sam fucked him slowly, with slow deep thrusts the had Castiel moaning and shuddering in pleasure. Sam was sure he loved Cas now, nothing would come between them. He moaned his name as Cas pulled him close and kissed him again. Sam took his sweet time fucking Cas as he explored every little inch of his body with his eyes, his mouth, his tongue, his hands. When he finnaly came he was holding Cas close. He stroked him until he came before pulling out. He looked Cas over, who still hadn't opened his eyes.  
He kissed his eyelids softly. When he pulled away, Cas finally opened his eyes again seeing a sweetly smiling Sam and it was amazing. Sam.   
Sam who cared for him.  
Sam who comforted him.  
Sam who kissed him so sweetly.  
Sam.  
He kissed Sam, really kissed him, and there was no one else in his mind, just Sam. Cas smiled at him and Sam smiled back and it was all Cas could have hoped for. He knew it wasn't Dean, but for now, he didn't care. He kissed Sam again, holding him closely. “Sam..” He whispered with a smile.  
Sam smiled back at him and caressed his cheek. “Castiel..” He whispered back in a loving voice.  
“Would you be my boyfriend?” Cas asked him, forgetting how this started for a second. Sam looked at him confused. “Like, your actual boyfriend?” He asked, to make sure it wouldn't just be a one time thing again. Cas nodded. “I'm sorry for everything.. But you just make me so happy.. I just really like you.” He said with a soft blush and a slight fear Sam would say no.   
Sam kissed his lips softly. “Cas, I'd love to be your boyfriend.”   
“Maybe we should keep it to ourselves for a little bit?” Cas suggested, not feeling like telling Dean.   
Sam looked a little dissapointed but nodded. “Yeah, sure. What ever makes you comfortable.” He kissed Cas's lips softly and held him close, taking a moment to take it all in


	5. secretly mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Cas have to keep their relationship silent. Gabriel rears his trickster head to make everything a little bit more difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fot the readers who are getting a dejavu by reading this, I already posted this, before I posted chapter 4, so I kind of messed that up, also, the storry will be continuing again ^^

The day after they pretended nothing had happened. Cassady had gone home, probably to never return and Sam and Cas made sure not to do anything together they normally wouldn't. Dean acted like he was okay with how happy Cas somehow seemed after every thing. It's not like he wanted to see the angel hurt, but it was like he was suddenly unaffected by Dean. He figured it probably had to do with his 'thing' with Sam. They didn't seem to be a couple like they seemed to be before, so maybe it really was just a way of comforting Cas for Sam.  
Dean found himself thinking about it more and more as the day went on, but he couldn't get himself to ask Cas, or even Sam what was going on.  
He thought maybe Cas just wanted someone and he didn't care if it was Dean or not. Why did that bother him so much. Certainly now that Sammy seemed a lot happier as well.  
He had always had his suspicions of Sam being into guys as well; he had seen him checking out a guy at a bar more then once. Besides, Sam tended to talk in his sleep when they were younger and still shared motel rooms. He considered the happiness to be because of him and Cas, but that seemed unlikely, since he hadn't even talked to Cas except for wishing him a good morning and asking him if he care for a cup of coffee.  
Cas interrupted his thoughts by asking if he needed anything from the store.  
“Uh.. Yeah.. Can you get me some pie?” He asked and as an after thought added. “Are you okay Cas?” He could seem happy al he wanted, but Dean was afraid the angel was still hurting underneath. And if not, he wanted to know why.  
Castiel nodded. “I want to apologize for that day. I shouldn't have asked you that.”  
Dean looked at him a bit confused but nodded. “Let's just forget it..” He assured him as Sam walked into the room. “Are you coming Cas?”  
As Sam and Cas went to get groceries the words were spinning in Dean's head. It felt like Cas didn't even feel like that any more. Maybe Sam had helped him realize he never really felt like that. Dean felt like an idiot. How could he believe an angel actually loved him..  
He decided to go out again, to an other bar this time, not wanting to run into Cassady so quickly after their hook up. 

Sam grabbed Cas's hand as soon as they were out of the car. “We can be together when he isn't around, right?” Sam asked in a slightly angry voice.  
Castiel nodded, thinking he had imagined it. He smiled as he ran his thumb over the back of Sam's hand. It was so simple and so beautiful to Castiel; holding hands. Touching an others person so slightly, yet so strong.  
“What where you talking about with Dean?” Sam asked him, a bit less angry by the sweet gesture of the angel.  
“I asked him if he needed something from the store.. Why?”  
“I don't know.. You seemed to talk about something important..”  
“I just told him I shouldn't have asked him... You know..”  
“Oh..”  
“Are you okay Sam?”  
“It's just, this whole thing started out with you and Dean.. It's weird..”  
“Sam.. I'd never do anything to hurt you, if you're worried about that..”  
“I know, I just.. Need to get used to it..”  
Cas kissed his cheek softly. “If you want, we can tell Dean. Maybe that makes it easier?”  
“No, I think that would be a bad idea, it would only bring more tension.”  
“Why?”  
“I told you Cas.. Dean likes you, he just can't admit it to himself.. But if he knew about us, it would kill him. Especially after.. Well everything.”  
Sam kept up a vague smile, clearly still a bit afraid of losing Cas to his brother.  
When they returned home, they walked in pretending like nothing had happened. Cas stared to load the fridge as he heard Sam sigh loudly.  
“What is it?”  
“Dean's out drinking again..” He told him, taking the note from the kitchen table that only said 'I'm out.'  
Cas looked a little worried. “Don't you think this is getting out of hand?”  
“It's just three days, Cas.” He assured him as he walked over. “Besides, now we can do this..” He grinned as he hugged Cas from behind, kissing his neck. “Hmm, boyfriend..” He moaned softly in his ear, loving that he could call him that now.  
They decided on a nice night in, choosing to watch a movie in Sam's room, in case Dean returned early. 

Dean was on his first beer of the night, not that that meant he was completely sober, he had two glasses of Whiskey already. The only reason t=he switched to beer was because the guy next to him offered to buy.  
He tried to start a conversation and Dean could use the company.  
“You're not from here, are you?” The man asked, his accent making clear he clearly wasn't from there as well. Dean tried to place that accent, it was so familiar, it must be from somewhere they'd gone a lot on hunts.  
“Nah.. How about you, you don't sound like you're from here..”  
“I come from just about everywhere, though I spent the last few years travelling California.”  
“What brought you here?” Dean asked with slightly jealous smile.  
“Hunting. What about you?”  
Dean grinned at that. “About the same actually.”  
The man smiled, like Dean had confirmed something he was looking for.  
“Maybe we can talk a bit in my motel room?”  
“Sorry dude, you seem like a nice guy and all, but I don't swing that way..”  
The guy grinned widely. “That's not how I remember it..”  
That's when Dean looked at him, really looked at him. A little mole, just above his right eyebrow. A small, barely noticeable scar on his upper lip. His hair was lighter and longer, but there was no mistake. “David..”  
“I was wondering how long it would take you to realize.”  
Dean smiled as he took a big gulp from his beer. “The odds of meeting you here.. Now.. Someone must really have it out for me..”  
“There's a reason I'm here, it just might be a little hard to believe.”  
“I know we witness a lot of weird shit.. But I saw something godly!”  
“What did you see?” He asked, trying to understand how in hell he met his only gay lover right after he denied Castiel because he wasn't gay.  
“An angel came to me.” David explained, clearly waiting for Dean to tell him he didn't believe it.  
Dean instead rolled his eyes. “Which one?”  
“Uh.. The archangel Gabriel came to me..” He said, confused by Dean's light hearted reaction.  
“Of course.. Gabriel is such a dick, this is just his sense of humor..”  
“What do you mean..?”  
“That's quite a long story.. We can go back to my place, me and Sammy live in a bunker made by an old club of hunters. There's actually an angel living there as well. Well.. ex angel. Like a said, long story.”  
Dean grinned as he started explaining pretty much everything on the way to the car.  
“Driving your dad's Impala?”  
Dean nodded with a grin. “Never going to let my baby go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind words, they really keep me going. I hope you enjoyed this ^^  
> I know having Gabriel here isn't completely in tune with the canon. But in this storyline it is. I've got big plans with him!


	6. still be mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel makes everything so much more complicated and Dean yells a lot. Almost everybody get's mad at almost everybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the weekly updates are back, I want to thank you all for staying patient and for all the kind words. Also I was wondering for which pairing you guys are rooting, cause I'm not sure which one I'm rooting for so that got me curious..?

The night had been a lot of catching up, both of them being a lot more honest than they would have been without the alcohol in their blood.  
Dean explained the whole angels thing to David and started to ask him about his meeting with Gabriel. David explained how Gabriel had come to him two days ago, telling him to find Dean. He'd given David three towns Dean might be saying in, based on Dave did not know what. This was the first town he tried, while Gabriel looked in an other. Gabriel had said it was an important godly mission and David wasn’t to refuse.   
“Did he tell you why it was important?” He asked, afraid something might be up in heaven again that was unfixable. It would explain how Gabriel was suddenly back alive again, though he had never believed Gabriel had died. He knew the trickster angel a bit too well for that. But the idea something had come up that was so important he'd reveal himself terrified Dean, they had enough to worry about as it was.  
“He didn't say, and he wouldn't tell me more than that.”  
“So you just drove all the way here, hoping to run into me?”  
“Dean, an angel told me so.. And I'm not living with angels like it's a normal thing.”  
Dean shrugged. “I guess.. I just don't understand why he won't tell you what's up. And why he didn't just come to me in the first place.” He said, then remembering Cas had guarded them from the eyes of angels, though that only raised the bigger question of how Gabriel knew where they were, even if it wasn’t exact.  
“I have no idea.. Can’t you ask that angel friend of yours?” He suggested.   
Dean nodded, “I’ll get him and Sammy and we can talk about this thing.” Dean said as he got up. He ran to Cas’s door, walking in without knocking. “Your brother is causing trouble agai-.. Cas?” He suddenly asked when he realized Castiel wasn’t lying in his bed. “Cas?” He shouted a bit louder, afraid this was all part of why Gabriel was looking for him.   
He rushed over to Sammy’s room, wanting to let him know what had happened and pushed open the door with a small panick building inside him. “Sam, Cas is gone!” He said before turning on the light. When he turned it on, He found Cas and his brother, untangling from each other as they sat up straight in shock.   
“Cas?” Dean yelled out surprised as he turned away from their apparent nakedness.   
‘What’s going on?” Sam asked, the shame dripping through his voice.  
“That’s what I was wondering..” He bit quietly, then sighed. “David is here.. Gabriel sent him.”  
Sam looked at Castiel confused, who looked just as lost as Sam. Nothing in that sentence made sense.   
“We’ll be out in a minute..” Sam just said.   
Dean shut the door without responding to them and went back to the living room where he first got a new beer for him and David, before sitting down.   
“Are you okay?” David asked carefully, sencing something was wrong.  
“Well my only ex-boyfriend ever is suddenly here, send by an angel that was supposed to be dead and my brother is fucking another angel, who told me he had feelings for me no more than a few days ago..”  
“Sam?” David asked confused. “Wait, that Castiel angel loves you and sleeps with your brother? That’s.. Ironic to say the least. Why is he with Sam?”  
“I uh.. I told him no..” Dean blushed, somehow ashamed to admit that David.   
“Did you want to tell him no?” He asked as he stared at Dean, making Dean feel like David could see right through his soul.   
“After that night.. I’ve never been able to look at guys like that..” He admitted.   
“So that’s why you said you don’t swing that way..” He said, like he had been wondering about it all night.   
“I don’t anymore..” Dean told him, his voice defensive, but his eyes staring at the floor.  
“But you do love him..?”   
They had to cut the conversation short when Castiel and Sam walked into the room, both looking ashamed. Sam looked at David and finally realized who Dean meant, not that that made any more sense. “Dave?” Sam asked. “It’s been ages! How are you? What happened?”   
David told them of Gabriel and by the time the story was finished, there was a knock on the door. Dean went to open it, gun in hand, as all of them stayed quiet.   
When the door opened Gabriel walked through with a surprised smile at Castiel. “Castiel..?” He said, trying to keep up his usual air, though his relieve simmered through.   
“Gabriel..” He answered in a suspicious voice. “Why do I feel such concern?” He asked carefully.  
“You were sending out a distress signal two days ago, so loud, I could hear it, even without your grace...” Gabriel explained. “It sounded worse than torture, I could feel it coming from here somewhere, but I couldn’t pinpoint the exact place thanks to all your angel warding sigils.”   
Dean and Sam looked at Cas worried. “Distress?” Sam asked. When Dean walked closer worried, Sam put a protective hand on Cas’s shoulder.   
Gabriel looked at the play before him amused, putting the pieces together. Sam still had no idea what Gabriel could mean. “Is it something to do with your grace?” He asked carefully.  
“No..” Cas said looking a mixture of embarrassed and annoyed. “Is this the only reason you came Gabriel?”   
“I thought they were shredding your soul or something, so I decided to check up on you.”   
“What about him?” Cas asked, throwing a look at the to him still unknown David.   
“I thought I could bring in the one person who could make Deanyboy here remember just how beautifully bisexual he really is, as a treat after we saved you.. Seems that would complicate things now..” He smirked, then sarcasticly added “Oh no”.   
Sam looked at Gabriel angrily, wanting to make a bitching comment, until Dean asked a more important question.   
“Does this mean the other angels will find us as easily as you did?”  
“Nah.” Gabriel said, already losing interest in the conversation. “Cassie and I just always had a.. How did you always put it.. A more profound bond.”  
“A more profound bond? We get the same relation as you and your annoying brother?” Dean asked before he realized this shouldn’t be bothering him. “I’m going to bed, this is all way to weird..”   
“Dean wait..” Sam interrupted him. “We still don’t know what happened exactly.” He turned to Cas. “Do you know why Gabriel thought they were shredding your soul?”   
Cas looked trapped. Gabriel interjected. “The word I used was distressed, just like I’m feeling him be right now.”   
Cas sighed. “It was..” He looked at Dean shyly. “It was when Dean turned me down.” He admitted. After he said it, he realized he had been crying. “I’m sorry..”  
Dean looked at him angry. “If that was like shredding a soul, I’ll know to fuck Gabe next time that happens to me, since screwing someone’s brother is clearly the right way to go about it.”  
“Dean!” Sam stopped him angrily.  
“I’m not complaining..” Gabriel intervened, but was ignored.  
“Don’t act like it’s not true, you took the first chance you got to steal him.” Dean shot back before he left for his room, slamming the door behind him.  
David, who had been a quiet spectator of the whole show, suddenly stood up. “I’ll go check on Dean..” He announced with bowed head, as he went to the hallway and knocked on the only closed door. “Dean?” 

~

Sam, Cas and Gabriel were left in the room. Gabriel had a small smug smile on his face. “So you did fall for the righteous man?” He asked after a five minute long silence.   
Cas looked at him angrily. “Briefly.” He answered, trying to keep his voice calm. “But then I realized it was Sam whom I should be with.”   
“If you say so Cassie..”   
Sam cleared his throat. “You do realize I’m right here..?”  
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “You do realize Castiel betrayed his family for Dean, not you.”   
“Gabriel, leave.” Cas said angrily. “That was the past..”  
With a flutter of his wings Gabriel disappeared suddenly.   
“Can we just go back to bed?” Castiel asked irritated at Gabriel and afraid he’d lose Sam.   
Sam nodded and took Castiel’s hand, a bit too tightly to be comfortable, but Cas just let it go, following Sam to his room.

~

“Dean are you okay?” David asked through the door before hearing something smash against a wall.   
“Go away, you played your part!”   
“Dean..” He tried, softer.  
Dean opened the door, his eyes red from crying, but his face ready for war. “No. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to make me feel that again!” He let a tear slip, but kept his face straight. “I loved you, and it cost me everything! My father hated me for you, and now, now my brother hates me and you’re here and.. You got out man, your mother loves you, you get to love whoever you want.. And you got out..” He sighed, rubbing his face. “I’m sorry I just.. It’s not fair.”  
“I know Dean.” David started, careful. “It’s not fair, it’s not fair you feel like this, it’s not fair what John did, but you do have a choice.”  
“What is my choice..” He said, looking desperate all of a sudden.   
“You can love yourself.” David explained in a soft voice, leading Dean back into the bedroom until he was sitting on the bed. In the corner of his eye on the floor he saw a broken frame, holding a picture of the brothers. “Do you hate me for being gay?” He asked Dean, voice serious.  
“Of course not. You know that..”   
“Then why would you hate yourself for it?”  
Dean sighed and smiled slightly. “I really missed you man. Thank you”   
David smiled. “I missed you to. You know the first month I remember staying by the phone every moment I could. I kind of expected you to call.”   
“I’m sorry, Dave..”   
“It’s water under the bridge, just make sure you don’t let this one go to waste.” He smiled. Dean grinned and pulled David in for a hug. Dean felt almost like all those years didn’t happen, and he and David were as close as before.   
“I’m going to go back to my couch.” David announced after the hug ended. “Not that I think I’ll get much sleeping done tonight..”  
“You could stay here, maybe you’d sleep better in a bed…”


	7. thoughts of mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter but that's because it's filled with internal monologue, and not really a lot of plot.

When Castiel woke up the next more he left Sam’s bedroom before Sam woke up. After everything that had happened, he needed some alone time to get his mind straight. He had been with Sam from ten minutes after Dean had rejected him until he walked out the room, with barely a few minutes apart. He sighed deeply and sat down on his bed, hoping to clear his mind.  
He still wasn’t sure how he felt about Dean now, nor how he felt about Sam. It hadn’t started as love, it was just comforting. He wasn’t sure if it was love even now. It wasn’t like he would never be able to fall in love with Sam, he wasn’t even sure he didn’t love him now after all. It had taken him a long time before he first realized he loved Dean, but he wasn’t sure yet if he loved Sam or not, since didn’t really have time to think about it, they just happened.   
He thought about no longer being with Sam, and the idea felt like he would lose more than he could bare, but the idea of losing Dean was like a great pain as well, one he felt he already suffered, was still suffering actually, but was it still love?  
He took the pictures he and Sam bought out of his nightstand together with a picture Sam had taken of Cas and Dean a while ago, before everything happened. The glossy paper the pictures were printed on now had a perfect drop of water on them, before it rolled of the paper, as more drops followed. Castiel whipped his tears off the paper, and put them next to him. They weren’t giving him any answers at all. 

~

Dean was lying in his bed, still fully dressed in the same clothes he wore yesterday. He looked at the still sleeping David in his bed. They’d spent the night together, but not like they used to. No make outs, clumsy teenaged styled like first or other. No goodnight kisses. No being pressed against each other in a thigh hug as they fell asleep.   
They didn’t even really talk about it after Dean invited him to stay. David had his arm around Dean lightly, but that was all.   
Dean smiled slightly at the memory, until he realized Sam could be lying this way with Cas that very moment.   
He never thought he would have a crush on someone Sam was dating.  
Certainly not a guy.  
Definitely not an angel.  
But he did, and after fighting it for so long, now he finally admitted it to himself, just too late.   
Dean liked Cas, Dean liked guys, Dean just didn’t like to admit it, still afraid of his fathers judgement.   
He looked at David again and felt the sad realization of what he could have had, years ago.  
He could have with David. They could have moved in together after a few years of hunting. He could have lived in California with the man he loved, maybe adopt a kid, maybe Sammy could visit every so often. He would have left and non-of the terrible things in his life would have happened. He wouldn’t have to deal with angels and demons, he wouldn’t have taken Sam out of uni and Sam would have been happy as well.   
What would he lose this time by letting Cas go. He knew what he’d lose if he chased after this feeling, he would lose Sam more then he already had, but otherwise he would Cas, who he might lose even if he did try with him. He closed his eyes again, hoping to get some more sleep, or to at least stop thinking for now.

~

Sam woke up by the shutting of a door. He opened his eyes to see his suspicions were right, Castiel had left him alone. Sam sat up and looked around the room, just to be sure. He had kept Castiel on a short leash since they had started dating, afraid Dean would change his mind and sweep him away.   
It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Cas, but with everything that had happened, and after wanting him for as long as he had, it was impossible not to be afraid of losing him. He realized now this was one of the only times he’d been alone in weeks. He went for a run to get his mind straight. He changed into his sportswear quickly before going outside.   
The cool weather and the sound of his music calmed him down, as he assured himself he and Cas would figure it out. He couldn’t keep Cas close all the time and he just had to trust Dean not to try and steal his brother, and if he did, he had to trust Cas not to run off with his brother.   
He returned home with new found trust in Dean as well as Cas as he made himself some breakfast, quickly joined by Dean, and to Sam’s surprise David, who both came out of the same place, but Sam didn’t dare to ask where David had slept, not that it was any of his concern he reminded himself.   
A bit later Castiel joined them for breakfast and though there was still a sense of awkwardness lingering, they sat together and ate as a family.


	8. Do you still want to be mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second to last one, yet three chapters to go.. that's right, it's pick your own adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An other short one I'm afraid, but that's mainly because the next one is going to be the last.

David stayed for a few hours, catching up with Sam and talking to Dean. He felt like Dean could use someone like him around, since Dean could talk to him, something he barely did with most of the world, but he had to go. After David left, Dean stayed in his room for the remainder of the day, only coming out to grab himself some food or some more beers.  
When he returned to the livingroom he was well on his way of getting drunk. Of course he had to find Cas snuggled up to Sam as they were watching a movie. They looked up at him with a sorry smile as Cas moved away from Sam a little, because he wasn’t blind. He knew this was hurting Dean, certainly after he saw Dean’s reactions to Gabriel’s teasing.  
He felt sorry about hurting Dean, but he had to keep reminding himself Dean was the one that said no in the first place.  
Sam knew the reason Cas was moving away was to spare Dean’s feelings and he removed his arm from Cas’s shoulder, even though it kind of stung to do so. “Hey.. How is everything?” He asked a bit awkward. He needed Dean to know they were still okay, because Dean needed to feel something positive after everything, certainly now that David more than likely left Dean with an identity crisis he had tried to bury years ago.  
“I’m fine Sammy.” He said. “Very fine.” He added with a grin.  
It was only now that Sam heard the slur in Dean’s voice, barely noticeable, but definitely there.  
“Are you drunk?”  
“I’m drinking.” Dean corrected him, still grinning.  
Sam looked at Cas a bit worried, still not pleased with Dean drinking every evening away.  
Dean sat himself down next to the couple, somehow not finding it weird now that he was drunk.  
“What are you watching?” He asked, squinting his eyes at the screen, like the title could be hidden somewhere in the background.  
“It’s Harry Potter, the third one.” He said, since he was certain Dean wouldn’t know the title.  
“Me and Sam are going to watch them all.” Cas explained.  
Dean nodded as he stayed put, watching the movie, sipping beer and starring at an awkward looking Cas every once in a while. He spotted the bowl of popcorn that was sitting half on Sam and half on Cas’s lap and took it as soon as he finished his bottle of beer.  
Sam and Cas crept a bit closer together after a while, while Dean watched them and the movie, paying only half of his attention to both. Half an hour after Dean had entered the movie ended.  
Sam, who was clearly tired looked at Cas with pleading eyes as he asked in a sleepy tone if he would mind cleaning up as Sam went to bed.  
Though he really was tired, he also asked to make himself accept the fact that there were going to be situations where Dean and Cas would be alone together. He reminded himself how much he trusted Cas as he kissed his cheek briefly before going to his room.  
Dean smiled politely at Dean as he started gathering the glasses they used and the plates that were still left from their dinner.  
“So do you love him?” Dean asked out of nowhere. It didn’t sound judgemental and it barely sounded hurt. It was the emotionless tone that made the question hard for Cas and even if the words were slurred, he could see Dean was serious.  
He looked at Dean, then just continued with his task, as if he hadn’t heard. He hoped that would be a clear sign he didn’t want to talk, since the brothers used it as well.  
He brought the dirty dishes to the kitchen, when he returned, Dean had stood up. He looked at him intently, like he was debating about something with himself. He took a step closer as Cas froze.  
He had seen that look, it was the look Sam had given him before kissing him against the wall that first night. Dean took a step closer and whispered. “Do you still want to be mine?” Before kissing Cas.  
.  
.  
.  
Choose how to continue:  
For **Sastiel** : Read **chapter 9** : Mine1.  
For **Destiel** : Read **chapter 10** : Mine2.  
For those who just **can't decide** : Read **chapter 11** : Mine 3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to popular demand (to make it Destiel) and my chronic need to make people happy this became a choose your own adventure ending.  
> The three chapters will be added in the following days, they might even all be uploaded tonight but no promises.  
> I hope this is a good compromise to all of you <3


	9. mine1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have selected: Sastiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has become a choose your own ending fic. You are now reading the sastiel ending  
> If you'd rather read Destiel, go to chapter 10  
> (In progress)  
> If you want the best of both worlds chapter 11 is the one for you. (In progress)

Cas kissed him back for a second before pushing him away. He now knew the answer to the question Dean had asked him. “Stop! I love Sam.” Cas said, close to tears. He looked at Dean to see the hurt in his eyes, but he nodded, suddenly sobered out after realizing what he had done. “I’m sorry.. I shouldn’t have.. I’m sorry.” He said before returning to his own room without another word.  
Cas was paralyzed for a moment before he smiled, the tears in his eyes falling on his cheeks and his face blissful as he realized how much he loved Sam.  
He went to Sam’s room, which was quickly becoming his room as well, and looked at him, serious but happy. “Dean kissed me.” He told Sam, who was already lying in bed.  
“What?”  
“Dean kissed me, and I pushed him away. I don’t want to hurt him, really.. But it’s just, I love you.”  
Sam looked at him disbelieving. “Dean did what?” He asked outraged, sitting up before he calmed down. “You pushed him away.. But..”  
“Did you really think I would leave you?” Cas asked, genuinely confused. “I could never leave you. You are too good, too kind, just too Sam..” He said as he crept into the bed, snuggling up to Sam again.

~

Dean looked at Sam with a smile, his little brother had never looked happier than he did now. It wasn’t a big party, but it was just right. He remembered everything that had happened five years ago and smiled, glad for the way it ended. “This is it Sammy.”  
Sam nodded with a smile as the doors were opened and he locked his arm with Dean’s. It was cheesy, the way Dean gave him, it was absurd they were doing this in a church and it was ironic that the alter was decorated with a few angel engraftments, but all those thoughts disappeared as the doors were opened and he saw Cas standing there, at the end of the aisle, smiling at him, ready to commit the rest of his life to a mere human. To Sam.  
He took the first step together with Dean, looking at him nervously as Dean smiled proudly. They walked down the aisle, Sam’s eyes now only focused on Cas’s. When they got to the front, Dean smiled at Cas and whispered. “Take care of him, will’ya.”  
Cas nodded and took Sam’s hands in his as soon as he was standing in place.  
Dean joined David by the side of the alter and looked at Gabriel who was on the other side briefly.  
The wedding went by within seconds in Sam’s head, until they got the I do’s.  
Sam smiled as a tear ran down his face when Cas squeezed his hands slightly, smiled at him and declared. “I do.”  
When Sam got to say “I do.” He nodded full-heartedly.  
Dean grabbed David’s hand for a quick squeeze at the moment and did all he could not to show just how happy he was with this, because it surely involved crying.

They had the reception with a few people, some hunters, some angels and some of the people they had met on their journeys. Dean was the first to give a speech.  
“Dear everyone gathered here. You probably all know this isn’t exactly my scene, but I’m willing to live with a day of one chickflick moment after another to celebrate my little brother and his new husband. As most of you also know, this is a very unlikely wedding to happen. All the people in here know what our life is like, hell, some of you even read the ‘supernatural’ books. Life isn’t always a picknick you know, but on this day, we forget that, because everyone deserves a day of happiness, and no one deserves it more than these two.  
“Cas, Castiel. I would welcome you to the family, but you’ve been a part of that for so long, this would almost be considered incest.. But in all seriousness, I’m really happy you are the one that’s cursed with Sammy’s hand forever.  
Sammy. You do know it’s very rude to marry before your older sibling does. Today I ‘gave you away’ as they call it, but you will always be my little brother, and giving you away doesn’t mean I’ll stop worrying about you getting into trouble, it just means I’ve got someone to worry with.”  
He raised his glass.  
“Too Sam and Castiel Winchester.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you so much for reading, your comments and kudos really mean the world to me and they kept me going!  
> I hope you enjoyed it and I'd love to see you again next time/read fics you posted.  
> Have a great everything  
> XxX


	10. Mine2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have selected: Destiel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has three different endings and you can choose which one you like the most  
> If you'd rather read Sastiel, you can go to chapter 9  
> If you want the best of both worlds, chapter 10 is the one for you.

   
Castiel kissed Dean back softly before breaking the kiss. “Dean..” He said in a low voice. “I don’t think I can do this..” Castiel looked away from Dean.   
“Don’t you love me?” Dean asked confused.  
“I..” Cas stopped, having no idea what to say. “I can’t cheat on Sam.”   
Dean looked at him sad.  
Cas caressed Dean’s jaw with his thumb. He wanted this so much, but he couldn’t. Instead of full on kissing him, he gave him a small peck on the mouth. “I need to talk to him first.” He said as he slowly removed himself from Dean’s body heat and walked over to the room he was still afraid to call his, though Sam had insisted it was by now.   
When he opened the door Sam was still awake and instantly noticed something was wrong. “Cas, are you okay?”   
“We need to talk.” Cas replied, making Sam worry even more.  
“What is it?” Sam asked suspiciously. “Is it Dean?” He asked, since he had always know this day would come.   
Cas nodded. “I’m sorry. It’s still him.” He answered with a sigh as tears were building up in his eyes. He had tried to be happy with Sam, and he had been for a while, but as much as he had tried, he had never been able to truly get over Dean.  
Sam looked at Cas hurt and betrayed. He had loved the angel so much, for so long, but this would always have been the end. “I love you Cas.. But..” He stopped, looking at the angel one more time before shaking his head sadly. “But I knew you would never truly be mine.” Sam got out of the bed and walked over to his former boyfriend before planting a kiss on his lips for one last time. He looked deep into Cas’s eyes as he took his hand, then looked at their hands, knowing this would be the last time he would get to hold Cas’s hand. “Just.. Don’t let him hurt you.” He asked, then kissed Cas’s hand. “And please, give me some time to deal with this. I’ll go on a hunt or something tomorrow and I might not come back for a little while.” Cas nodded, not daring to say another word. He squeezed Sam’s hand and whispered “thank you” before kissing Sam’s hand as well and leaving the room. 

Castiel went back to the livingroom where he had hoped to find Dean. He looked around the empty room and recaptured his thoughts. A fear struck him when he realized how much this was like that night on the kitchenfloor, when Dean had drunkenly told Cas he wanted that forever.   
He tried to shake that thought, knowing a lot had changed since then.   
He passed his own bedroom door on his way to Dean’s. He considered going into his room and wait all of this out, but it was feeling like a now or never situation, and the fear of never won from his doubt as he walked on to the next room and softly knocked on Dean’s door.   
He opened the door slowly to find Dean getting ready for bed. Dean looked at him and smiled.   
Cas smiled back at him, meeting his eyes with a blush. They both knew what was about to happen.   
Castiel walked closer util he was invading his personal space.  
Dean looked at the angel infront of him and touched his face briefly in a gentle stroke.  
Cas catched his hand and held it in his.   
“I love you Dean.”  
“I love you Castiel.”   
Cas moved in and kissed Dean passionately, still holding his hand while his other had moved to Dean’s head.   
Dean smiled against the lips and pulled Cas closer by wrapping an arm around his waist.   
“Will you stay tonight?” He asked after pulling back slightly, but still holding Cas close.   
Cas nodded his head ever so slightly an guided him to the bed. “Listen.” He started a bit nervous. “After everything, I want to do this right.” He explained as he was undoing Cas shirt. “I want to remember every second.” He pulled the shirt off and started with Cas’s pants. “I want to wait with.. that..” He allowed himself to tease a finger inside Cas’s boxers before pulling it out and pulling his pants down. “Until I’m sober.” He sat down on the bed and moved his hand over the sides of Cas’s body.   
Cas smiled as he pushed Dean down on the bed gently, so he was lying on his back with his feet over the edge.   
Cas moved a hand into the underside of Dean shirt and slowly drew it up, kissing up the skin as it appeared. Dean allowed Cas to take of the shirt I the process.  
When Cas reached Dean’s lips he smiled and pecked them playfully. “Thank you..” He said, since waiting meant he could be sure Dean really wanted this as well.   
He undid Dean’s pant and pulled them off before moving back so Dean could get on the bed completely.   
Cas lay down next to him and put his arms around Dean. It was weird how right this felt, even more than he thought it would. With Sam it had felt good, the body heat, the closeness, the tenderness, but it was nothing like this. The memory started to feel distant, like the talk with Sam had been years ago, even if it was no more than an hour.  
Somewhere in his thoughts Cas seemed to have fallen asleep, finding Dean’s hand in his sleep and holding on to it.   
Dean kissed Cas’s hand as he closed his eyes as well, the alcohol making it an easy sleep.   
When he woke up, Cas was looking at him. He kissed his lips and smiled. “What have I told you about watching me sleep?” He asked with a grin.   
“It’s creepy.”  
“It’s also adorable, but yeah, creepy.” He joked. He smiled as he turned to his side to look at Cas. “You know.. I’m sober now..” He grinned before kissing Cas again.  
“Oh are you?” Cas grinned, the flirting just came natural with Dean as well.   
Dean smiled as he moved his hand down to Cas’s boxers and playfully teased his already cock.   
“Think I didn’t feel this riding against me this night?” He teased and moved his hand inside the boxers to grip it, jerking Cas slowly.   
Dean had expected it to be weird, but the feeling of the hard flesh in his hands excited him. He let go of the cock and rolled himself on top of Cas and grinned as he pushed him down and kissed him hungrily.   
Cas moved his hips against Dean, feeling how hard he was suddenly. He kissed Dean back as he pulled Dean’s boxers off under the blankets.   
Dean grinned and pulled Cas’s of as well. He sucked at Cas’s neck as he tried to blindly find his lube. He realized he had to stop for this and kissed the hickey that was appearing on Cas’s neck, then pecked his lips before rolling of Cas to look in the drawer of his nightstand. When Cas looked at him sadly he smirked. “Missing me already?” He joked, then explained. “I’ve got to get the lube Cas. I’m not leaving.” He realized what he had said as the words left his mouth. “I mean.. I’m really not leaving Cas. Never again.” He grabbed the lube and cuddled up to Cas, moving his fingers over Cas’s chest.   
“Never again..” Cas repeated slowly in a low voice.  
“Come on Cas..” Dean said, trying to keep it light, though he knew he was long passed that. “You know I’m a screw up.” He tried to bring it jokingly, but when he felt Cas whip away his tear, he realized he was crying.  
Cas pulled him close and kissed his now closed eyelids, kissing away the tears. He moved his finger to the place Dean’s heart was and drew an anatomically accurate heart on his chest to calm Dean down. He kissed Dean softly until he felt Dean holding him again. Dean stroked Cas’s hips before softly cupping his ass. He carefully pushed a lube covered finger inside Cas, pumping it to hear some of his beautiful moans. He added a second when he felt like he could, looking at Cas to see if he was still okay. “You’re so beautiful like this.” He moaned as the second moved against Cas’s prostate. He calmed his moans with a passionate kiss, pushing in one more finger before he lubed himself up and pushed in slowly, looking Cas in the eyes while he thrusted slowly and lovingly.   
Cas felt Dean inside him completely and the feeling alone was enough to come, so when Dean started stoking him, he saw stars. He moved into the touch, bucking his hips until he was fucking himself on Dean’s cock. Dean fucked him slowly for what seemed like hours, blissful, lovefilled hours. When Dean’s thrusts became less coordinated and both their moans turned louder Dean came inside Cas who came the second he felt the hot liquid inside him. Dean fucked Cas through their orgasm while they kissed feverishly.   
Cas pulled him close, never wanting to let go as Dean caressed Cas’s body through the bliss. They ended exhausted and happy, lying in the bed, looking at each other.   
“I love you Cas.”  
“I love you too, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all for reading, commenting and leaving kudos, things like that really kept me going!  
> You're all amazing and if you have any stuff you'd like me to read, I'd be happy to!  
> Have a great everything <3  
> XxX  
> Just Another Samlicker

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and feedback is much appreciated


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